Climbing Mt. Daddy

So today what is on my mind is the idea of milestones. Developmental milestones are such a big deal in the mind of a parent. Rolling over, standing up, learning words, so on and so forth. I find myself getting caught up in making sure that my boys make their milestones according to schedule (currently my greatest worry is their saying words – they are 20 months and seem a little behind schedule). That said, I worry that this is how helicopter parenting starts. First, its milestones, then its the right preschool, then getting the best grades, scheduling tutors, private coaches, whatever it takes to help them stay with their peers or better yet ahead of the curve. Is this how it all starts?

I want the best for my boys and I want them to be successful, happy, healthy well adjusted adults one day. Right now and for as long as possible I want them to be wild untamed little boys who’s biggest worry is what adventure they are going to go on tomorrow. My job is to find the balance between for them. I hope that just being cognizant of this will help but at the same time it is another thing that I need to monitor in myself.

That actually is a lesson I want to teach them – to monitor themselves and be “in it” when it comes to life. Many folks just “do” but never really figure out “why”. I know I am guilty of that but maybe, just maybe, I can help my boys be better than me in that regard.

Best of luck to all you climbers out there and good luck hitting those milestones – the one’s that matter anyway.

So this weekend, and which really may be the biggest reason that I started this project is that I was a bad dad. First a little background – I am 42 years old and have 20 month old twin boys. Their mother and I (well more her than I) underwent 2 years of IVF in order to get our boys into this world. The fact that we were pregnant was a surprise but he fact that we were having twins was an even bigger surprise. Anyway, that is a story for another day…

The point of this is that I lost my temper with them for no reason other than I was tired and just hit my limit. Now, everyone I know has reached this point, and I would be lying if I said it was the first time that this has happened, but this time I was especially cognizant of my overreaction. It was a long Saturday and we had visited some friend’s of my wife who live about an hour away. They have a two year old themselves so the day was spent with three little boys yelling and screaming while I tried to carry on small talk with folks I really have very little in common with.

The boys slept all the way home but as soon as we got home – wham! They were over tired (as was I evidently) and they just let loose and I proceeded to put them in their jammies (more forcefully than I care to admit) and yelled at them for being uncooperative. While I would not term my actions as reckless or abusive, I would most definitely say that I put them to bed with very little tenderness.

It took about a half hour for it to hit me that I had messed up and I still beating myself up two days later. My job is to protect my little boys form everything in the world that may want to hurt them. Sometimes my job is to protect them from me. I failed at that job, and will probably fail many times more, but I hope that I always can reflect and try to do a better job than I did the day before. That said, I hope you put your sons a daughters to bed tonight with a kiss on the head and love in your heart. I know I sure did.

Keep on climbing climbers!

So I am a freshly minted father – well not really but I am only about 18 months in and I have come to realize that I have a lot to learn and a lot that I have already learned about Fatherhood. Now, I don’t claim to have all the answers but I will be more than willing to admit that I have about a million questions. The few answers that I do have I will be more than willing to share. My goal is to help build a community of fathers (and mothers, and grandparents, and uncles, and aunts, and really anyone) that can help lend each other advice. I cannot think of any responsibility that I have had or will have that is greater than being a father and even though I know it is impossible, I hope to do as many things right as possible – and it takes a village to make a great father.

All that said, welcome and I look forward to climbing Mt. Daddy together!